What perturbs me about the post, which has becoming wildly popular, gaining praise from other sad millenials who watch as their Facebook feed post-high school swarms with photos of fatty engagement rings, babies, and weddings is the idea that everyone getting married young is a stupid idiot. The following passage really surprised me, some of my peers are happily married at 23 and to them it wasn't about their age it was about, hey, this is the one, why do I need to wait around?
It is a way for young people to hide behind a significant other instead of dealing with life’s highs and lows on their own. It’s a safety blanket. It’s an admission that the world is just too big and scary to deal with it on your own; thus, you now have someone that is legally obligated to support you till one of you dies or files for divorce.
Herrrrmmmmmm hide behind a significant other? I don't know many young married people who hide behind their significant others. Honestly, can a young couple afford to have someone hiding from the world? The author continues:
If your love is truly eternal, what’s the rush? If it’s real, that person will continue to be committed to you 2 months from now, 2 years from now, and 2 decades from now. Grow, learn, travel, party, cuddle, read, explore. Do. Freaking. Something… other than “settle down” at 23 with a white picket fence.
Because you owe it to yourself. You are a human being that deserves to thrive inside AND outside of a relationship.Who says you can't thrive on your own within a relationship the same as you would outside of one? When you are in a relationship are you obligated to remain the same person, to resist change and growth and new developments in your life? To me that's a sign of an immature relationship and person at any age, not just the young.
I have many friends and peers who married quite young, some to great success and some not. But what sets them apart in my mind from the sad-sacks this author is talking about is they made a choice as an adult and whether or not it works out they decided to do something courageous and almost counter-culture at this point and get married. They knew everyone would be wondering what the rush was when they invited them to their weddings and they didn't care because it was their choice, not their parents, peers, or friends.
I myself have been incredibly cynical about young marriage for a long time. Several friends from high school got married either in high school or right after graduation. Some of these couples are still together but most aren't and while I think they might have pushed it a little bit by marrying directly out of high school that was their choice not mine.
If I choose to get married in the future it will be later than most of my peers, my parents, my grandparents who all got married young, my friends, and basically everyone else ever. But I don't really care.
For me, the author's list of things to do instead of getting engaged at 23 was incredibly vapid and weird. After all that marriage-shaming she wants young people to sit down and 13. Accomplish a Pinterest project? What?
So, after slightly more thought than her here is my list of things to do when you're young. I don't really care if people get married young, they can accomplish Pinterest projects together, but what I think the bigger message of her piece was trying to be through all the judgement and projection was being young is a time to explore! Have adventures! Do some crazy stuff!
1. Go on a vacation sans parents to somewhere awesome
2. Learn to cook, actually cook not just making mac n' cheese
3. Work a really crappy job, or rather, a really under-appreciated job so you never take a great position for granted
4. Borrow some kids for a weekend – see what being a parent is actually like
5. Get renters insurance, find a dentist, a doctor, and start paying for your car and insurance on your own. SO HARD YOU GUYS!
6. Invest in nice things! You're an adult now, buy yourself a nice couch if you want a nice couch
7. Read books and see movies that challenge your moral and political views
8. Pay your bills! And pay them on time!
9. Attend an awesome music festival with all your friends
10. Explore the city you live in – find new parks, trails, bars, and bookstores
11. Make a lifetime friend or friends and rely on them for wisdom
12. Go on dates! Perhaps lots of dates! It can be a weird experience but might lead to great things
13. Do things by yourself. Even if you're in a relationship learn to love going out to eat, getting coffee, or go to a movie alone.
14. Learn basic household skills: replace buttons, sew pillowcases and Halloween costumes, clean your shower, set up your cable modem
15. Save money! I can't stress this enough, mostly because I haven't done it myself, but saving money whenever you can is awesome and will help with things like couches, trips, and eventually buying a house.
16. Decide on things you like and don't like and don't make compromises. Do you hate people who chew with their mouth open? That's fine, run with that.
17. Find a great hairstyle for your face shape and then a great hairstylist that can make you feel like $150
18. Get involved in things you're interested in. Once you have a full-time adult-type job it's hard to make time for volunteering because you're old and tired when you get off work. Getting in those habits early is a great way to have a more balanced existence.
19. Get a credit card and begin establishing your credit. If you can't qualify for one through your huge bank try getting a secure card (they put whatever your credit limit is in a separate account and freeze it so you can't default on anything) through a local credit union.
20. Get a pen pal and get to know someone slowly through snail mail
21. Find a great cause and support it as much as you can
22. Be aware, of yourself, your community and your world. Read the news, journal your thoughts and reflect back on them, don't stop trying to improve yourself and your knowledge.
23. Embrace change, do what you want to do in life, and don't let anyone stop you or tell you to do 23 things before you're 23
♢