rosemary & thyme: the good, the bad, and the ugly

I think a lot about what it means to be an adult. Probably more than most people. When I was little I had a time where I couldn't sleep, I moved rooms or moved my bed or something trivial and I couldn't sleep for probably two days but it felt like an eternity. During that time I remember telling my friends I couldn't wait to be an adult so I could live in New York, the city that never sleeps.

Being an adult lately has been the worst, but also the best.

I'm going to reverse order the good, the bad, and the ugly to make things end on a positive note, mostly for me.

The Ugly:

I crashed my car last weekend. My car, which I inherited when I crashed my other car, is no more. I was driving home in the dark, cruising through back roads and bushes and and as soon as I hit civilization I crash into someone pulling a left right in front of me. It wasn't my fault, but as soon as we made impact I was screaming "WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME, AGAINNNN".

I was mostly fine, a minor cervical strain/sprain on my left side from the wrenching impact of my body hurtling into the seat belt. My car was toast. Somehow all the brake lines were severed and when I went to move it I had to turn off the ignition to get it to stop — when the tow truck driver (who looked to be about 19 and was wearing both a gold chain necklace and a fluorescent striped tank top) went to move it I warned him about the brakes and he looked at me like I was stupid, and then had to do the same last-ditch maneuver to get it to stop. It was, in his words, "super janky".

My car is now sitting in a wrecking yard somewhere. One of my four insurance adjustors was supposed to tell me where, but he didn't, and he's incredibly difficult to get on the phone.

The whole process has been exhausting and annoying and stupid. Why should I have four insurance adjustors? Why should this take more than a week to get assessed and get some money to get me back on the road? I understand I'm not a top priority for anyone, but being without a vehicle when I've depended on having a car for independence and sanity for almost 10 years has really dampened my already low spirits. So, boo on that.

The Bad:

I've decided to wait a year to move to my farm.

Just writing that makes me want to cry.

I'm not moving for about 10000 reasons, most are personal, most are practical, but it's still heartbreaking.

Without a car it's going to be difficult to visit and work on the house but as soon as I'm back on my feet/wheels I plan to make visits every month or 6 weeks to continue to clean and organize and donate in anticipation that spring 2016 I can move in!

The overwhelming feeling right now is a combination of disappointment this isn't happening right now, as I had planned to move next weekend, and relief that I don't have to organize my life and transport it east without a vehicle.

The Good:

I'm staying in Bellingham another year — bring on the Pickford, the sunsets, the rain, hopefully some births as a Doula, and summertime lake swims

I met the person I'm excited to spend the next year/forever with

I started an Instagram photo series called #southhillproject that's documenting the amazing houses of Bellingham's South Hill (check me out @emilytigerlilly)