True Detective & feminism

photo from here

I recently read this article regarding the HBO show True Detective being a "turnoff" for female viewers. As a female viewer who just finished season one (holy cow, did not sleep for days) the premise of the article intrigued me, but actually ended up confounding me:

How can it be so intelligent on matters of slow-burning grief and small-town bigotry and yet so dumb – really dumb – on the subject of women?

Ummm yeah, easy — the show wasn't written to be kind to the feminist agenda (whatever that is). It was written to be a devastating, creepy look at small town violence and the detectives who work to bring the perpetrators to justice. And it does all those things really really well.

Things I like most about True Detective include how raw the two main characters, Marty and Rust, are portrayed by Woody Harrelson and Matthew McConaughey. In particular McConaughey's character reminds me of Jimmy McNulty, aka Dominic West's character on the other HBO cop-masterpiece that wasn't particularly kind to women, The Wire. I also enjoy that while Marty's relationships with women are not functional or fun or feminist they are real things that happen to men with jobs like his. What's being portrayed isn't fun to watch both because it's misogynist (which it is), but also because it's heartbreaking.

Now, if you've read my blog or know me you know that I am a lunatic feminist who constantly talks about body image, powerful females in film & TV, Claire Underwood on House of Cards, and LGBTQ issues as discussed at the Oscars but in this case I think we've gone too far, fellow feminists.

But what the show is implicitly – if unintentionally – saying, is that true detectives are men.

True Detective is set in rural Louisiana in the mid-'90s. I don't know about you but I kind of doubt there were a ton of Louisiana State Police Criminal Investigations Division homicide detectives who were women during that time in that place. Perhaps I am wrong. Perhaps my experience working in the same building as a small police force at a University in Washington State that has only had 2 female police officers in the last 6 years on a staff out of about 20 was an illusion.

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In the end I'd rather watch True Detective with all its misogyny than shows like Girls or Sex and the City that portrayal the lives of women in other weird lights.

Lena Dunham has done a great job pretending to know what it's like to be an unemployed middle-class white girl living in a two bedroom apartment in Brooklyn, oh wait, no she hasn't. I was an unemployed middle-class white girl in Bellingham for about a month after I graduated college and I could barely afford to put gas in my car. Working semi-part-time-kinda at a coffee shop would not afford you the apartment Hannah has here, let alone in Brooklyn. Dunham's writing reflects a major flaw I find with Girls: the situations seem too good or too bad to be true because they are, Dunham can't write about characters being poor because she herself (as well as the entire main cast) has never been poor.

In the case of True Detective Nic Pizzolatto, the creator of the show, wrote about what he knows, Louisiana, and writes from the perspective of how a man would deal with the situations presented for Marty & Rust. Had he written the scenes involving Maggie and Marty's crumbling relationship more focused on Maggie's plight would it have had the same impact on Marty's character? I think not.

Feminism is great, feminism is the reason some great strides have been made in the entertainment industry, but feminism is not something to be pushed into all media in order for audiences to feel comfortable. If we were comfortable with how the women in this show are treated would we feel the same way about the show in general, I don't think so. Would the dramatic conclusion to the series, that I am not about to spoil, have come about if Rust stayed home with his daughters, painting their nails and watching Sweet Valley High with them? No.

True Detective doesn't make me uncomfortable because I understand that these characters aren't supposed to be feminists but they are also just that — characters on a television series. And, in the case of most amazing television, most are not feminists because the shows was written/directed/and produced by a man. The biggest thing this article made me realize is whining about current shows portrayal of women does nothing — writing shows focused on strong female leads, directed by strong women, and produced by women will do something.

To end this rant on feminism and modern television I leave you with a few shows that are baulking traditional roles for female characters and doing some amazing things:

• House of Cards – Claire Underwood, Jackie Sharp, etc.
• The Fall
• Top of the Lake
• Nurse Jackie
• Sherlock
• Bob's Burgers (I had to)

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today, my big butt & I went for a swim

photo from here

Growing up I was made painfully aware that certain assets of mine were more prominent than on other girls my age, or other women in general.

When I was about 13 a friend and I were strolling through the mall, as teens will do, when a herd of Latino men whistled at us, making weird faces, and then one of them made a motion I will never forget. He waved his hands in front of him, motioning the outline of something, moving wider and then narrow, then much wider, then narrow. He was motioning the outline shape of my body.

The much wider part, that would have been my hips.

Now, besides having a difficult time buying jeans, never even thinking about wearing a drop-waist anything I don't think much about my hips at 23. They're the focus of discussion whenever a friend tries to convince me their dress will "slide right on!" or when I think I can wear high waisted cigarette jeans (BA-BOW! HIPS!). They also continue to garner looks, gawks, and leers from men. I don't really care anymore. I'd take my hips over large breasts any day. My friends with back problems leave much to be desired to being more of an uhhh upside-down pear? Pizza slice?

One thing that continues to make me self-conscious of my hips, and rather... large derrière, is a swimsuit. I've poured over countless Vogue and Lucky guides for how to camouflage or highlight my PEAR shape. A skirted bottom? A extra-flashy top to balance? How about no.I 've grown used to walking right past matched two-pieces (seriously, who in the hell can wear those, I'd really love to know) and collected a comical grouping of skimpy bikini tops (size medium or small) and mom-cut bottoms (size large, or x-large if sizes run the least bit small).

mismatched bikinis galore! And Kate Upton, hah!

Recently I decided to start taking swimming slightly more seriously and with that came the dreaded real swimsuit purchase. I did my research, suits would run small and I had to watch out for cut. I seriously spent 10 minutes circling the racks for suits that looked like they'd come close to covering my hips and butt. Once I found a few that looked reasonable I had to make sure they didn't gape and fall off my shoulders, because this pear is not actually a size 10 everywhere.

I found a suit I could deal with, simple, black, covered my butt.

I went for the first open water swim today, the first in my new suit. The water was 45º, it was about 55º outside. I couldn't wait. I had to get in. A few people saw me enter and I'm sure thought I was a complete lunatic/was trying to kill myself because the water was seriously that cold but I didn't care. The only thing that makes me feeling whole, relieves all my stress and rights all the wrongs of my days is being in the water.

I am Emily-shaped, I don't really like pears.

Thanks to Marjon Carlos and her piece on xoJane for the inspiration!

alien boy: the life and death of james chasse

Let me begin by blurting out a few things:

1. I rarely watch trailers for films at the theater I attend anymore because the selection is that great and this film did not disappoint. 
2. I knew the director of this film, Brian Lindstrom, was going to be in attendance and do a Q&A afterwards.
3. Brian Lindstrom is married to Cheryl Strayed, author of Wild, role model of mine, and generally amazing person — I knew there was a small chance she would also be in attendance of the film.

I did not know how absolutely incredible this film would be. 

I did not know I would sneak down once the film is over, after seeing Cheryl enter with her husband,  introduce myself and getting this photo with them.

photo mine!

I did not know that Cheryl would reply to my tweet and say it was great to meet me. Or that Alien Boy's Twitter accounts would retweet it either.

What I do know is this:

I grew up in Spokane, Washington. In March of 2006, when I was about to turn 16, Spokane police officers killed a disabled man named Otto Zehm falsely accused of stealing from a Zip Trip. He was beat, hogtied, tasered, gagged, sat on by 7 police officers until he passed out and never woke up.

The case, which was mortifying in both its initial context and later when the trial and settlement with Zehm dragged on seemingly forever, gained attention in Spokane but slowly died down over the five years it took to reach the settlement with Zehm's mother.

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A year later, in May of 2007, again a man is murdered by police by being hogtied, tasered, and beaten in custody. This time I was working for the local newspaper and was in the newsroom when the story broke and listened to the debate of whether or not to use the term "hogtied".

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On the 4th of July, 2007, 17 young men and women were arrested in downtown Spokane for, get this, protesting Spokane police brutality. I knew several of these young people and while I was not personally in attendance of the events I very easily could have been. 

photo here

I was at the jail when they all were released and listened to their stories of the guards making fun of them and the police beating them with their batons. I looked at their bruised and bloodied wrists from being hogtied with plastic restraints far too tight. Mind you, most of those charged were minors.

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Certainly police have difficult jobs, certainly they arrest more people without incident than not, but when it comes to police brutality what do we, as a society do?

Seeing Alien Boy reminded me of these cases from my life in Spokane. It also reminded me how challenging it seems to confront issues such as these that seem so far far far away from my grasp. From my little life in Bellingham, my little job, and my little apartment, and my little voice how do I take a stand against police brutality?

I've worked with a lot of cops, I know a lot of cops, and I like a lot of cops. But any human, cop or otherwise, that would inflict such violence and malice upon another human is intolerable. They are a blight upon society; a blight upon the communities they're tasked with serving. The police officers in the film – who tackled, tased, beat, and kicked a man — then hogtied and put him in squad car and drove away showed little or no remorse for their actions. When death is seen as an acceptable outcome of using force on the defenseless voices must be raised, loud ones.

If you cannot trust the police, those charged with keeping you safe, who can you trust?

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After the film I spoke with the director, Brian Lindstrom, who was incredibly gracious during both the Q&A and my sneaking down to get a photo with his wife. I asked him "what do you?" and he kind of stared at me for a moment until I said "knowing what you know, seeing what you've seen with this case of brutality, what do you do?"

"Tell stories like James'"

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my life, as told by Bob's Burgers gifs

Besides my obsession with melting my brain via House of Cards I love Bob's Burgers. To me there is nothing funnier than Tina's moan, or Louise's antics, or Gene's tender soul. I love it all and most of my love comes from how relatable it is.

So, here are 15 moments that my life perfectly mirrors Bob's Burgers, as told through amazing gifs from this incredible blog: http://bobsgifs.tumblr.com/

         1. When I try to act like an adult at dinner parties

         2. When I ride my scooter and people can't see me

   

         3. When I get a parking spot within 100' of Target

         4. When my body forgets I'm lactose intolerant 

         5. When my friend and drink a bottle of wine before seeing The Artist and everyone glares at us

         6. When someone calls me on the phone

         7. First swim of the year!

         8.  Trying to interact with people my age

         9. Watching anything with Michael Fassbender in it

         10. First sip of coffee of the day

    

         11. My inner response to most things

   
          12. When I see the latest Uggs/leggings-esque fashion trends

         13. When 3pm strikes at work and I haven't had a second cup of coffee

         14. When I come into work looking for the dog

         15. My inner dialogue, always

post House of Cards

from here

Last night I wrapped up House of Cards season two (I know! What took me so long!) and I am seriously exhausted.

I thought, and tweeted about, and yapped to my friends about just starting it over again once I was finished. I know I missed a ton of stuff, from Claire Underwood fashion moments, to the 7,000 layers of manipulation in each episode, to subtle clues about people like Jackie Sharp and Rachel. But I can't, I need a break.

I love this show more than anything I've seen in a long time but at some point all the manipulations and backstabbing and calculated dealings wore me down to a cynical nubbins of a person and I have to escape to something brighter.

This season's introduction of new highly calculating characters (Tusk, Jackie Sharp, Xander Feng, et al) made it much more difficult for me to keep track of at times. I'm not saying it was too much, or I didn't enjoy every single second of it, but between murder(s?), betrayals, threesomes, deep internet dealings and all manners of political plotting I could do nothing more than stare at the screen and contemplate taking notes on how everything webbed together. When Remmy visited an old man in a crazy empty house I had no idea that man was actually Ted Havemeyer. That's how crazy this season was! You forget about people 10 episodes after they were a major plot device.

I'm watching Harry Potter, Bob's Burgers and some other jazz and then I'll be back to claim all the details I missed this season.

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young marriage

Today I received a letter from my long-term pen pal about recently getting engaged. She's been with her current partner for about.... 5 months? 4? I can't remember but I think she met him after Halloween.

She mentioned her mom is having a hard time dealing with the news but her fiancé's family is really supportive. Immediately I sided with her mom — it's too quick and they're too young and blah blah. I then saw another young friend's engagement on Facebook to someone it seems like she barely knows. I've dated people for years and feel like I can barely let them borrow a movie without worrying slightly about never seeing them/it again. Granted, I've historically dated horrible people but seriously, how do you decide in under like 20 years you can spend your whole life with someone?

Mostly when these posts are made I feel bitter. Really, really bitter. And that's too bad! Why should I be jealous of something that I know, deep down, I may never really want or need. I've thought a lot about being married and I don't know if the whole thing is for me. The idea is nice, spending the rest of your life with someone, but in reality I don't know if it's something I can sustain.

When photos of diamond rings and smiles and roses are thrown in my face on the internet it's hard to sit back and rationalize and think about what I really want. It's easy to be jealous and sad and mad at the same time when faced with princess cut rings and puppies and joy.

me! from amazing photo shoot with Katy of Katheryn Moran Photography

I have me, and I need to spend some more time getting to know myself and having that be enough before I can decide to hang out with one person for the rest of my life.

bullhead

Since seeing Rust & Bone I've been obsessed with Matthias Schoenaerts. A literal force to be reckoned with I knew Bullhead would be incredible, and incredible it was.

from here

Not for the faint of heart or stomach, I literally clenched a pillow through this entire 2+ hour film, and I am not a pillow-clencher my friends. The story highlights the life of a Belgian farmer with an addiction to growth hormones and trouble. Schoenaerts' character, from beginning to middle to end was so intense I couldn't believe it. Every character in this movie, through flashback or in present time, was so broken and damaged it was unbelievable.

The story was not what it seemed in the beginning, the middle, or the end. The characters of this film are still haunting me and I might need to watch this a few more times to grasp the depth of some of them. Part of my struggle was my inability to track between Flemish and French dialogue (because I'm a lame, unilingual 'murrican) but mostly it's just a really intense, really complex film.

This is unlike anything I've ever seen. Parts of this film were so raw and real it was extremely difficult to watch, but in the end this film was incredible and definitely worth working through the dialogue and huge cast of characters.

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11 things about being an adult

When I was little all I wanted was to be a "grown up". I wanted to drive a car, I wanted to buy my own stuff, I wanted to watch whatever I wanted to watch when I wanted to watch it, etc. If only I had known then that adulthood isn't what it's cracked up to be at times — sure it's great, but it comes with a lot of crap I didn't realize and still hate about being an adult.

Here's my list of the 11 things I wish I would have known to prepare for as a young person about being a real-life adult type. And by that I mean someone who lives independently, completely supports themselves and otherwise does not have a mom to do their laundry.

1. Figuring out some adult things can be really difficult/scary – let me be specific: renting an apartment, obtaining a line of credit, finding a dentist/doctor/eye doctor/allergist can be really tedious. If you're anything like me your mother/guardian/whoever made your orthodontist appointments for you growing up. They had to pick you up and drive you to and fro and excuse you from school so it was really more important to be on their schedule than your own. As an adult you have to find time to work (so you can have insurance) as well as spend countless hours stressing out about who will best understand your medical history or your allergies to all dental numbing medications (true story, it sucks). When I rented my current apartment I had to apply ($50 fee), wait to be approved, then pay my damage deposit, a processing fee (FEES!! ACK!), and my first month's rent in CASH! How do I do that! I work for cheap!

2. Money SUCKS – Budgeting is the worst. Realizing you don't have enough money to go anywhere during the vacation time you have to take because you're incapable of budgeting is worse. Figuring out how you can afford new glasses, food, rent, and tickets to Sasquatch is beyond comprehension (hint – you cannot). 

3. Keep tabs on important stuff is hard – I don't know about you, but when my mother was in possession of my Passport I felt a little safer. When you turn 18 you don't automatically gain super powers to keep track of important items better than your other ones. The key is to remember things are important (W2s, Passports, Social Security Cards, etc.) and pick a place to store them. Or get a safety deposit box and let someone else deal with it.

4. Once you're out of school vacations and time off is limited, and lame – As aforementioned it's not totally out of the question to have vacation time you must take and nothing to do. In school it was lovely to think about summer vacation and doing nothing for weeks on end but somehow as an adult it's really pathetic. Take my advice and start saving so when you do have the rare holiday or week off you can do something amazing.

5. Paying bills is sketchy – Credit scores? US Postal Service? Cheques? What? Paying rent, bills, etc. can be odd and annoying. I, for instance, was never taught to balance a checkbook so I spend my time wondering what all the weird charges are on my debit card. I'm not alone, and as far as I know I'm not in a crazy minority of people who don't realize where their money is going but in general cutting checks isn't fun, having people/companies lose your money/double bill you/forget to deposit your check is awful.

6. Food is a real hassle – Who knew eating three times a day could be such a pain? I don't remember meals as a child always being spectacular but at 6:00 every night I was presented with some starch, meat, and vegetables. Who makes that now? OH WAIT ME. Enter: eating fancy versions of top ramen (egg drop anyone!), mashed potatoes, and lots of salads for the rest of your sad life. What's worse, if you're single and/or poor it sucks even more – double suck! 

7. Traveling can be a challenge – Are you between the ages of 18 and 25? If so you are an adult but cannot rent a car! If you desire to travel as an adult but you aren't yet old enough to rent a vehicle you're screwed unless you: 1) bring a nice, old lady friend with you (that's all I really have), 2) bring a parent, 3) date old people who can rent whatever they want (ZING!).

8. Working full-time is soul stealing – Sure the paycheck at the end of a 160 hour work month is nice, but really it's depressing to wake up and realize you spend almost 20 years in school just to continue to wake up before you naturally would, put on clothes you wouldn't normally wear, and go suck up to DA MAN. Just kidding, it's not that bad. Find a job that suits your desires and/or one that isn't a big deal and pays decently and move on.

9. Maintenance – Stuff breaks, you have to pay to fix it. My car, for instance, decided to have all sorts of things I've never even heard of fall off of it (cv boots? what are this?) costing me a literal month's salary to fix. Booooo on that.

10. Responsibility on the brain – 21! Woo! Drinking alcohols! Wait — how will I get home? If I take a cab how will I get my car back tomorrow? Will I be towed? Should I actually be drinking tonight? Never mind, guess I'll go home and watch Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets yet again. This conversation has happened countless times in my head when making a decision about my evening plans. Sure I go out, but I'm careful about where I go/what I do because in the end if I get in trouble for drinking and driving or peeing in an alley or whatever it's on me, I'm 23 not 13 and no one is responsible for my actions but me.

11. Not enough time! – Mostly as an adult there isn't enough time to do all the amazing adult things you want to do. Being a kid was cool but options were limited to what you could independently afford from sidewalk shoveling and hamster-sitting or what your parents would fund. Now options are far more broad but deciding what to do can be difficult. Being an adult actually rocks most of the time, like right now when I'm writing this in my pajamas because I can work from home at my job and watching Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets and drinking delicious tea (caffeine after 5pm!). I'm planning vacations, deciding if I prefer to stick with flannel or cotton sheets (hahahahahaha cotton yea right) and generally doing what I want when I want to do it.

girl power film list: Valentine's 2014

If you are like me you do not like Valentine's Day. In fact, if you are anything like me it's either a reminder of being single amongst smug annoying couples or you're uncomfortable being one of the smug annoying couples and would rather be watching tv at home, alone.

Without further adieu my girl power viewing list for Valentine's Day 2014. Note some of these titles are available to stream on Netflix, some are not, all are wonderful.

The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo series

from here

You know who's really amazing – Lisbeth Salander. What's more fun than celebrating singledom/spinsterhood than with a badass lady who rides a motorcycle and fights injustice.

Hit & Miss

from here

Chloë Sevigny is amazing. Whether she's in Gummo or Big Love or this new series Hit & Miss she's fantastic. Her misguided personal comments aside she did an amazing job playing Mia and this is one of the more unique roles I've seen a television series based around in a lonnnng time.

Kill Bill

from here

My favorite Uma Thurman role of all time, the Bride gets her revenge and gets it good. I watched both these films with my dad originally — needless to say it was an interesting introduction to Quentin Tarantino at 13.

Whip It

from here

Roller derby! What's more girl power than roller derby! A great glimpse into an amazing culture and also Marcia Gay Harden is the best.

Hanna

photo here

How you pronounce the lead actress's name, the world may never know (Saoirse? What?), but I do know this movie is amazing and between her and Eric Bana the thrills never cease.

Scandal

photo here

GLADIATORSSSSS! Watch this on Valentine's Day, freak out over how good it is, regret nothing.

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Claire Underwood

from here

Claire Underwood. Claire freakin' Underwood.

From the moment I saw her on the first episode of House of Cards I was absolutely smitten. I mean, I've loved a ton of stuff Robin Wright has been in (Princess Bride, White Oleander, Girl With the Dragon Tattoo, etc. etc.) but nothing compares to this role.

In order of things I love most about Claire:

1. Her sass – this woman knows what she wants and gets it
2. Her hair & style – simple, sleek, bold, her hair was part of my inspiration for my own dramatic haircut 
3. She's her own, very separate person from her husband – this might be controversial but when she leaves to NYC without telling Francis and could care less if he figures out where she is. She has her own non-profit and while she relies on Francis to help maneuver more money for her cause the two are not inexplicably linked.
4. She's not an "ice bitch" as some have claimed. She's a woman who has her own business and a marriage and deals with things the way she sees fit. Honestly, if I were married to a high-level politician my marriage might look similar to hers (perhaps without the accepted open marriage, perhaps not!) and certainly she's living her own life.
5. She reminds me of Abbey Barlet! Strong, independent women behind strong political men makes for wonderful television.

Friday I will not be eating a romantic dinner, I will be stuffing my face with pizza binge-watching House of Cards season 2 for more amazing Claire Underwood moments.

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